CAR CHASE part one

I had just gotten to my home in the old east side of town. In the winter, I'm never home in time to see the setting sun. But today, I basked in the gray-orange glow that played off my house and the branches of dead looking trees. The air was warm, and I drifted to spring in my mind. It was full of color and I could feel the dirt in my hands as I planted the. . . BEEP!

The phone rang. It was my boss, I need to take the film he had just finished shooting to the lab for processing. "They're on the way to the office. And could you send out that e-mail to our Las Vegas client?" he said.
"I'm not at the office. I'm at home."
"Well, you've got to go back!" He called out.
"Are they still on location?"
"Yeah, they might be. Call Dumbo."

Dumbo isn't his real name, but it's the name I gave him after a list of offensives (CLICK ON Fig. 231). A series of events make up the cake, and I was about to experience the bitter icing.

I called Dumbo. I could hear him loading the equipment as he talked via his bluetooth.

"I'll be there in six minutes." I said.
"Hurry man, I can't wait. I gotta go."
"But you're still there right?"
"Yeah," He emphasized each word. "But - I - Got - To - Go"
"I live down the street. Just wait. I've got to get the film and the mag."
"Can you take this stuff back to the office then?" He asked in a bright voice.
"No I can't. I got to do my own stuff. Besides I'd have to get my van."
"Huh. Thanks a lot." He said sarcastically.
I thought, 'You idiot, you're getting paid to do that. It's your job.' Out loud I said "I'll be there soon."
"Hurry man I got to go."He insisted.
I said. "I know. You've got to go."

I drove down the streets. I came to the light before my turn to the location, when my phone rang.
"Hello."
"Hey man where are you?" Dumbo asked.
"I'm less then 30 sec away."
"Hey I can't wait, I got to go."
"Just wait there. I'm turning the corner now."
The light had turned green I was approaching the turn.
"I already left."
"Well, turn around right now!" I insisted.
"I've got to get to the bank and cash this check."
I turned on to the street.
"What street are you on?"
"I'm on Main"
I was on Main.
"No" he said "I just turned on Elm."
I looked down the street and I did indeed see his car turning on Elm.
"Come back now! Do not leave."
"Hey! I can't. Just follow me to the bank. It's down the street."
"!@$#%@%" I thought.
He continued. "My girlfriend's in the hospital."
I have a soft spot in my heart for hospitals, as I'm sure everyone does. Last year my mom had a bicycle wreck outside my home and I found her as I went out for a walk. She was lying on the street, her hip broken. A friend of my wifes' daughter had just died of cancer, and my own son had just broken his leg. Add in my fear of needles and nearly passing out in the emergency from a kidney stone when I was 19... well, like I said, everyone has stories of hospitals.
So, I fell for it.



NEXT: Read how our hero deals out justice as the Car Chase continues.

CAR CHASE part two

I drove to the other side of downtown to meet him where he told me the bank was. I was pissed, and the 5 o'clock traffic gummed up every street. My hands ached from gripping the steering wheel in anger. I neared where he said it was.

"Hey I'm at the corner where's the bank?"
"Oh uh it's actually down the street at Hines and Coit right where you get on the Tollway."
"Great I'm like five blocks from there. Don't leave I'll be there."

This is #$!%$ing ridiculous. I'm out chasing this guy like he's driving a white bronco.

I turn the corner. I'm at the light where Hines curves to head to the bank. I can't actually see the bank yet. but it's there. The phone rings.

"Hey man, where are you?" It's him, Dumbo, and I know where this is going.
"DO NOT LEAVE!" I yell. "I'm right here in less then a minute I will be in the parking lot. As soon as this light changes."
"I can't wait man." (He really talks like this too. Full of nice ez going phrases that are totally betrayed by his evil heart and tense voice)
"Do not leave that parking lot." I say as the light changes. "30 seconds."

"What?" falls out of his mouth and into my cell phone.

I hold the phone out and speak angrily into it like a microphone. From the car next to me it must look like I a cop calling in back up.

"I am 30 seconds away from the pulling into the !@@@$ing Bank. Stay right..."
"I'm gone."
"Turn around now!"
"I'm on the toll road."

I'm speechless. I use the bank parking lot to u-turn.

He continues. "My girlfriends in the hospital. I've got to get this check signed so I have to go to the office first. I have to go."
I rub some of the venomous hate off my face and calmly and authoritatively say. "Turn around right now and bring me the film. I need the film and it will only take a few minutes."
"No I can't. I can't wait."
That's it. I loose it.
"I'm calling the boss right now and I will make sure that you never work for us again. Drop off that stuff and get your check signed and frame it because that's the last one from us you'll ever get."
I hang up and call my boss.

"Boss that idiot, Dumbo, wouldn't give me the film. I want you to fire him right now!" I went on to explain in explosive detail the car chase and how he lost the keys and how he lied about knowing how to dub tape." My boss interrupted me.
"Its Dumbo calling me right now." He said.
"Well figure it out with him. I'm going home."
2 minutes later my phone rings. I answer and hang up before Dumbo can say anything.
Dumbo calls again. I decide I better answer. He can bing the film to my house.

"Hello Dumbo"
"I'm at lovers and the tollway. How long will it take you? I'm only going to wait 5 minutes."
"You're an idiot if you have anything to say to me have the boss call and tell me." I hang up.
I call the boss.

"What the hell is going on with Dumbo?"I say.
"Yeah he said he pulled over he's waiting for you."
"He's like 20minutes from me I'm almost home."
"He'll wait."
"Dumbo said the exact opposite. He said he'd wait 5 minutes or he's leaving. That's nuts. I'm going home. I'll take the film tomorrow. I've already spent an hour chasing him I'm not going to do it again."

And I haven't. I went home. But my boss had to go let him into the office because it was locked and he had lied about loosing the key. Just recently he was hired again and wrecked the truck that we use when traveling.

My Interview: part 2

It was the third thing out of my mouth: name, experience, don't really want the job. But the response was even more amazing.

His monologue was like confrontational theater, I felt like I should be in the audience but it was directed at me. It's like my prospective boss was justifying the merits of giving up on his dreams of working for major studios. Dreams I have. I placed my sweaty palms on my resume and waited for him turn back from staring out the glass door and into his thoughts. He twisted his chair and rolled his body back to me.

"You're the one." He said casually. "Your going to work out. I'm not going to see anyone else. I going to tell Pam." He turned as if he might call on his cell phone, then he looked back out the door. "Pam!" He looked again at me. "Your going to work out. How much are you looking for?"

I told him and he nodded.

"I expect you to be making twice that in five years. I need someone to take over the shooting and some of the directing. What I need is a creative partner I can trust. The last guy, all he wanted to do was edit." He turned again and called down the hall, "Pam."

He breathed hard out of his nose. "Just a second. I don't want these other people to come." He stood up. "I'm supposed to have five more guys show up. You're the guy."

I didn't want anything to break the spell. After months of searching for a new job, here it was. I was going to get the salary I wanted, with room to move up. I slowly peeled my palms off my resume and wiped my brow

"Ok, buddy." My new boss said as he entered the room. "I got to see one of these guys, he's almost here." I stood up. "Why don't you wait in my office." He extended his hand" "Welcome aboard."

We shook. I walked down the hall with dreams of being debt free. I confidently strode past the mirror and saw a long black smudge across my face. I looked at my hands and on them was the smudged sentences of my resume.

My Interview: part1

I had saliva dripping off me from every job website that had spit in my face. I sat in a little conference room waiting for my interview to begin-- 5 black empty chairs at a long cheap table.

The boss entered. He had an "at ease" quality in the way he moved his husky body. His voice was calming, and I liked his hair cut: it was the same as mine. He leaned back in his chair and asked a few questions about me and what I had done. I had edited for this and that commercial etc. It moved along like any interview.

"But I really," I told him. "I want to make my film Joy Lies." I felt I was going out on a limb. He made commercials and most (future) bosses don't like the idea of extracurricular activities. He leaned forward in his chair and looked me right in the eye.

"You know, I've made 368 episodes of a TV show. I spent $100,000 dollars of my own money; drained the kids college funds, mortgaged the house. There is just no room in this industry for an independent producer anymore. If I tried to sell my show in the Chicago market, lets say, the big networks wouldn't take it even if they wanted to. Because the big guys would muscle them and say, 'If you take that show, we won't sell you Smallville.'"

"Now you," He pointed at me with his phone, " If you make this film and it goes to video, or even the theaters, the best you can hope for is working for Miramax or something, editing trailers. You'll never make your next film on your terms."
He paused leaning back in his chair. I thought "That sounds pretty good, Quentin's Editor."

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Maybe thats what you want to do, I don't know. I never took the jobs offered me. I mean I made four successful films in the '80s. It was a different market with video. And I got offered jobs to produce." He suddenly swiveled and flopped his arms on the table. "They wanted me to work in a cubical making phone calls all day. I was offered a job at Sony and MGM. But I can't stay in an office all day, never getting behind a camera again, and working on someone else's projects." He leaded back calmly and looked out the glass door. Then, almost in a whisper, he said. "I make more now then I ever got offered then."

He stared out, and I wondered where this interview was going.

Cutting Brian: intro

They are the faces you see late at night, or midday between Court TV and Tampons. They promise to right wrongs, empower the downtrodden, and bring wealth. They are called rats, leeches, and ambulance chasers. I call them by their first names. They are Lawyers.

I help make and edit commercials for them. To me they are "The Heavy Weight," "The Strong Arm" and other catch phrases, with rhymes that would make Doctor Seuss mentally do time. I see them in between a workout and before court (if they even go to court).

I will tell you stories about the film set, crazy lawyers and of me trying to overcome and make the things I really want: art and a feature film.

--J-edit




NEXT TIME: My Job Interview : how film is frailer, and more Lawyer secrets.